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ANATOMY OF A SCAMMER

He was pretty good-looking for an old guy. And I say that with the full knowledge that men are saying the same thing when they look at women’s photos at this age. There wasn’t much info about him, so I write and just say something lame like, “you look interesting, care to tell me more?” He writes back, telling me I look interesting too, and asking me why I’m on that dating site.

Duh, to date.


I said I’d been divorced for a number of years, had dated and had a couple of relationships that didn’t turn out to be what I was looking for, and now I was dating again with the goal of finding a life partner. What was he on the site for, I ask?


He says immediately that he is looking for a lover—lover? Weird word to start with— a smart, strong, sensual, sexual woman who wants to take a sublime leap of faith with him. Without hesitation.


What does that mean?


Something ongoing, he continues. Not a hook-up or a one-night stand. He’s not into those. And if something meaningful blossoms out of that, his heart is open to all possibilities.


Trying to read between the lines. I message him that I’m not into hook-ups either. I tell him I’m willing to take a leap without hesitation AFTER something meaningful has happened. A lover? Sure, but after seeing if there’s chemistry, after getting to know a person.


He says he respects my boundaries, but he’s tried the “traditional” ways of dating and it hasn’t worked out. He goes on to say that his most important relationships have begun as lovers and he’s decided to go back to what has brought the magic to life and see if it can happen again.

I’m pretty sure I know what he has in mind; I just can’t quite believe what I’m hearing. I tell him how I typically develop a relationship first through messaging, then a phone conversation, then dating, and eventually becoming lovers. I tell him that for me, loving behaviors are what keep the magic going. I ask him about whether he’s ever been married, does he have any kids, trying to get a base line on this guy.


He responds that he likes the idea of having a phone conversation. He says he doesn’t contact many women, hardly any.


So I’m special somehow? Is this supposed to flatter me?


He says that hearing a person’s voice is important and then if we like what we hear, a first meeting would be a must, if we both agree.


Ok, now we’re back on track. A phone call. Then a meeting.


Then he types “ideally as the first of many trysts”.

Trysts, hmmm. There it is again. I still can’t believe he’s suggesting what I think he’s suggesting.

Note to self: he hasn’t answered my question about marriage or kids. I decide to cut to the chase.

“So you mean sex as a first date?” He writes “Yes, I mean a very romantic first night rendezvous in a quiet, private place.”


OMG. He expects a phone call to be followed by meeting him in a private place to have sex and see if something meaningful develops. Is this man crazy? What kind of scam is this? How stupid or desperate does he think I am?


I write that I would never have sex with someone I don’t even know, and furthermore no smart woman would meet a stranger in a private place for a first date. I tell him that’s very dangerous behavior for a woman. I am thinking of many more things to say, but I don’t say them.

He tells me that, for what it’s worth, he is benign and doesn’t have any intention of causing anyone any harm. He says he is a man in search of something special, and wishes me well in my search, adding again that he liked my photo and that he’s very selective and was hoping I might be interested in something bold.


Bold? How about out of your mind?


He adds that the women in his life who have traveled this road with him are some of the most dynamic and brilliant people he has ever met.


Yeah? And what happened to them?


He concludes by saying that he remains hopeful for that magic to come into both her life and his.

I stopped answering at that point. Not gonna argue with a guy who’s so sure of himself.



What a scam for a guy who wants a one-night stand/hook-up! Pretend that that’s the last thing you want, convince a woman that this is the beginning of something wonderful, get her in a private place and what—chop her into bits? Or have your way with her never to be seen again?

Wow. Just wow. Be careful out there, women!

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